Happy September. And I genuinely mean that. Things are actually starting to feel a little stable over here. I’m still behind the eight ball, but I’m less so than I was last month. And things are a lot less chaotic in the Tiny-Angry household. Tiny is starting her final year in college, her work schedule has settled down, and things are becoming a lot more routine. I’m a creature of routine, see. Without a stable routine, I fall apart. And while I’m working to overcome that – working best with a stable routine is okay, but falling apart when things aren’t routine is NOT okay – it’s easier to overcome it when there’s a little stability to count on amidst the chaos.

But you didn’t come here for overly personal self-analysis. You came here to find out what happened last month and what’s going to happen this month. So, I’ll hold the overly personal self-analysis until the end.

Weekly Articles

Hopefully, you noticed that my release schedule last month was also pretty regular and routine and stable. Articles appeared in my Patreon feed every Friday for early access and then went love at TheAngryGM.com the following Wednesday. Just as I promised they would. I fell a little short by not delivering an adventure building article in the mix – I needed extra time to work on the next part – but I’m still putting a tally mark in the win column.

So, I’m going to let that promise stand for now. If I don’t have an article available for early access on Friday and then live for everyone on the following Wednesday, I don’t get paid for that article. And I’m going to up the ante by promising specific articles on specific dates.

First, on Friday, 9/4, I’ve got Running Social Interactions Like a Dolphin.

Next, on Friday, 9/11, it’ll be Let’s Build an Adventure, Part Whatever: Mapping a Dungeon.

After that, on Friday, 9/18, I’ll do an Ask Angry Mailbag.

And finally, on Friday, 9/25, you’ll get AngryCraft, Part Whatever: The Next Part.

The titles may change, but the topics won’t.

Eventually, I’d like to make Ask Angry a bonus thing and put out four articles a month PLUS an Ask Angry Mailbag, but let’s make sure I can really maintain this release schedule reliably before I promise that.

Live Chat

The Live Chat last week got canceled on account of food poisoning or stomach flu. Sorry about that.

The next Discord Live Chat will be my September monthly chat and that’ll be on Wednesday, 9/9 at 8 PM EDT.

I’m probably going to keep doing these chats on Wednesday evenings for a while. The turnout is MUCH better than when I do them on Tuesdays or Thursdays. And I’m trying to do at least two a month because people really seem to like them. But I can’t quite swear an oath to do so just yet. That said, there’s a second Live Chat tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, 9/23 at 8 PM EDT. That one will be more casual and it’ll likely involve a guest on the call.

If there’s any topics you want me to talk about, leave a comment below. That’s the best way to let me know.

Bonus Content and the Secret Stash

I mentioned last month that I wanted to find a new way to deliver bonus content to my Frienemy-tier Patrons because the Secret Stash was kind of fallow. It seemed like a nice idea to put my personal gaming content into a shared folder for everyone to use, but when you don’t run any games, there’s no personal gaming content to share.

Anyway, I asked you all what kinds of bonus content you’d like to see and I got some interesting feedback that helped me come up with what I think is a really cool idea. I’m really excited about it. I’m going to put out the first chunk of bonus content this month. I think you’ll like it, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise just yet. Keep an eye out, Frienemies.

And yes, you can consider that a promise. By September 30, Frienemy-tier Patrons will receive a three- to five-page chunk of Angry bonus gaming content they can use at their game tables.

The Discord Reorg

If you support this site on Patreon and have access to the Angry Discord Server, you probably know it got revamped and reorganized last month. And it seems like people really like the reorganization, the new channels, and the clear guidelines. If you have access to it and haven’t checked it out yet, you really should.

I’d like to thank Milokot and Queezle for joining the Enforcer team. And I’d like to thank everyone for making the Angry Discord Server such an active and positive place. It’s the best social media community I’ve ever ruined with my presence as the resident a$&hole. And whenever I say that, someone reminds me that I’m the one who built the community. Well, no. That ain’t true. I made the space. It’s the people who filled the space that made the community. And I’m damned lucky to have so many great people filling the space I made. So thank you.

The Learn-to-Play Module Project Update

A year-and-a-half ago when I published my book, I promised I’d release a one-shot adventure module alongside it. One that new and inexperienced GMs could use to learn the ropes. And to teach new and inexperienced players how RPGs work. And the link to it on my site has suggested it’s ‘coming soon’ for the better part of eighteen months. Every so often, I’ve reaffirmed that I’m ‘working on it,’ but I’ve been cagey about what that means, when it’ll be done, and what’s actually taking so long. After all, it’s a simple one-shot adventure that should fill two or three sessions of play. Nothing big or complicated. What the hell, right?

What the hell indeed.

First, I’m going to update you on the module’s stats. Then, if you’re interested, you can read some overly deep and personal sharing that explains exactly ‘what the hell’ and also ‘what’s actually different now.’

The project’s in progress. I started work fresh on it about a month ago. It’s coming along. The adventure is completely outlined and mapped out. The encounters and monsters have been designed. Mechanically. The pregenerated characters have been statted up and drafted and even laid out. They’re going through final edit and polish right now. And I’ve started laying down the actual text. I didn’t hit all the benchmarks and deadlines I wanted to in August, so it’s a little behind schedule. And I lost some help I was counting on. But we’re talking about delays on the order of one or two weeks, not months and months. It’s still possible the thing will be finished, edited, and laid out by the end of this month, but it’s more likely it’ll be finished a week or two into October. After ensuring weekly content goes live on time, though, this project is my highest priority.

I will continue to provide regular updates on the module’s status and even share previews of content as it becomes available until the module itself is finished and in your hands.

That’s it. That’s the project update. And that’s it for this monthly update too. If you just want to know what’s happening and what will be done when, you have your answers. The last section of this update is just a bunch of me oversharing my personal issues because I think you have a right to know what the hell is going wrong with such a simple project.

How The Learn-to-Play Module Project Could Destroy My Life

I don’t want to explain this. I don’t want to admit it. And frankly, I’m not sure anyone wants to read it. And I’m sure as hell not looking for absolution, sympathy, or forgiveness. In fact, I don’t want any of that crap. I’m only sharing this because I made a promise and I took money in return for that promise and I have failed to deliver on that promise. And you deserve to know why.

This stupid, simple adventure module set off a gigantic psychological disaster. See, it’s the first time I’m actually trying to produce original game content in a finished, polished, published state. And I’m deeply afraid of what’s going to happen when I put it out there. Psychological afraid. Like, it actually took me sitting down with a person with initials after their name to figure out what the hell was going on with this project. And a few other projects like it. And even more work to figure out how the hell to deal with it. I knew something was wrong, but it was hard to admit something was wrong and to seek help.

Whenever I sat down to work on the module, I found something else that took higher priority. Or I’d spend all the time shuffling papers and making schedules and plans and lists and organizing things. And every time I actually finished anything for it, I threw it away in disgust. Classic procrastination. Not born of laziness – I am NOT a lazy person, I’m a workaholic by nature – but born out of an intense avoidance response caused by intense anxiety I didn’t know existed.

That might seem odd to you. I’ve been putting out gaming content for years. I wrote and published a book. And apart from a host of logistical problems and a few issues that came from picking the wrong partners, I got that book out on time. I went from a blank page to a published book in six months. But that was easy. I’d been writing the book for a decade. And the book was just me teaching people stuff. Teaching isn’t the same as doing. See, I’ve always been able to hide behind the fact that everything I publish is instructional. And none of it is finished content. None of it is published, polished, pretty content. You can’t compare anything I’ve done to the work of any adventure- or game-designer because my stuff is in permanent early access. Or it’s just half-developed ideas you have to finish yourself before it’s useful.

I’ve never really been tested as a real game designer or content creator. All I’ve done is shared a bunch of ideas and worked on a bunch of half-finished things while you all just watched me go.

I didn’t realize the adventure module I’d promised was actually the real leap. The real test. The book tested my ability to budget, plan, and finance a project and my ability to teach myself everything I needed to know to produce a tangible, physical thing. But I was pretty confident I could handle all that. It wasn’t a test of my ability to design. To create. I had very little, creatively, on the line with the book. But the module is a test of my ability to create and design game content. And to finish it. For real. And I’ve never been tested against that stuff.

If I fail – if the module is crap – then everything I’ve been working toward for the last five years has been pointless. If I can’t design and polish a simple adventure module – and it IS just that – how the hell can I finish designing my game. And then polish it. Finish it. Publish it. And if the module is crap, who will ever believe I could design and polish and finish a real game. I’d be exposed as a fake. A phony. A huckster. Beyond that, part of schtick is acting like a giant egomaniac and criticizing the work of others and insisting I can do better. So, if I fail, I’m going to fail hard. I’m going to crash and burn. Suddenly, that long-running joke doesn’t seem so funny. My abrasive attitude means there’s a lot of people who want to see me fail. Worse still is that there’s a hell of a lot of people cheering for me. A hell of a lot of people who believe in me. And that means there’s a hell of a lot of people who’ll be disappointed if I churn out a piece of utter crap.

Here’s the thing, though. None of this crap makes me special. This is s$%& every creator – every human – has to overcome eventually. Especially when they set out to do something big and they’re dumb enough to tell everyone they’re going to do it. The problem is that I don’t know myself very well. And there’s certain normal, human skills that I’m lacking. Skills that have to do with managing stress and anxiety and anger. And I’m also lacking in self-confidence and raw courage.

The module is a small, simple thing, but it feels like a gigantic thing. It feels like everything is riding on it. And that makes it worse, too. Because it’s not meant to be a big thing. It’s not meant to be a masterpiece. It’s not meant to show off everything I can do. It’s just a simple adventure any GM can run for any group of players, regardless of experience. It’s a linear series of tutorial encounters followed by light dungeon crawling. Easy to manage. It’s a module that a group of hack-and-slash adventurers can cut their way through but one that also rewards players who dig into the mystery with an alternative to hacking and slashing to deal with the final threat. So it shows off the different ways to play the game and helps players and GMs see that exploration and creative thinking are just as much a part of the game as brutal murder. If you want them to be. The plot at the heart of it all isn’t terribly complex. It’s definitely tropey. But that makes it approachable. And it’s meant to reward the effort of digging more than it’s meant to test the mettle of the diggers. I worked hard to figure out how best to do all of that – and how to present it all – but it’s still just a simple adventure module. And I’m afraid that that’s all people will see in it. A simple module, hardly worthy of all the bragging and preening that Angry has been doing over the years.

That’s what’s been holding the module up. I’m terrified of it and my brain has been pushing me to do anything but finish it. Because, if I never finish, I can never fail. But because I keep not finish, the stress and anxiety of not doing it just keeps compounding. And I had no idea all this s$&% was going on until I admitted I had some serious problems to my doctor and started to get the help I needed to deal with my perfectly normal, human emotions. Stress, anger, and fear. I started that journey six months ago. And twenty years too late. And it’ll be a long time before I’m done with it. Hell, I’ll never be done with it. We’re never done. Not until we’re dead, anyway. At least now I understand why I procrastinate and why I don’t finish everything I start even though I’m a furious workaholic. And I have a chance to overcome that s$&%.

But none of that excuses me. Which is why I’m working so hard not just on this project, but also on myself. I made a promise and I accepted money on the strength of that promise. And other promises as well. It doesn’t matter why I failed to deliver. All that matters is what I’m doing to fix it. Issues and problems don’t absolve you of responsibility. Neither does lack of fault. But lots of people think they do.

Look, if I punched someone in the face because of my anger issues, it doesn’t matter why I have those issues or who screwed me up so bad or whether I asked to be the way I am. All that matters is I hurt another human being by not dealing with my s$&%. It may not be my fault and it may not even be fair, but I’m still the one who has to be responsible because it’s MY s$&%. And if I don’t manage it, other people get hurt.

Not that I’ve punched anyone. But making promises and breaking them is hurtful too. And it doesn’t just hurt the person you screwed, it also hurts you. So you – I – figure out why I do that s$&% and I work my a$& off to stop doing it.

In the end, I’m not asking to be forgiven. I am deeply sorry, but I will not ask for forgiveness until after I’ve done my best to fix it. I’m not ready to quit and I’m not ready to fail. I’m only explaining this because you deserve to know what’s going wrong. And also because – as embarrassing and frightening as it is to admit such deeply personal stuff and to recognize such serious flaws in my character – I’m hoping that maybe it helps someone else out there to see my experiences. Because maybe it’ll help them recognize something in themselves they want to fix. And give them some hope that it can be done.

Meanwhile, I’m just going to keep putting the hours in. Not just on the project itself, but also on making myself a better, more responsible person. One who’s more worthy of your trust, loyalty, support, encouragement, and faith. Which I am deeply grateful for. Thank you for believing in me. And giving me the chance to be better today than I was yesterday.