Ask Angry: Please, Write a Book Already! (OK, I Will)

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April 26, 2018

Do you want to Ask the Angry GM a question? It’s easy to do. Just e-mail your BRIEF question to TheAngryGameMaster@gmail.com and put ASK ANGRY in the subject. And include your name so I can use your proper appellation when making fun of your question, your inability to proofread, your poor understanding of brevity, your name, your personal habits, or your failings as a game master, be they real, imagined, or invented for the express purpose of having something to make fun of. And yes, you should consider that a warning. If you want politeness, go ask the Hippie-Dippie-Sunshine-and-Rainbows-and-Bunny-Farts-GM. If you want the best damned advice about gaming anywhere on the Internet for free, well, you’d better be able to take a few punches. Oh, and remember, this column is written at least two weeks in advance and can only address a fraction of the questions it receives. So, if you have an emergency and you’re under a time constraint, go on Twitter and ask Perkins or Crawford to s$&% something out for you. If you ain’t paying for it, you can have either quality or speed, but you can’t have both. And I only offer quality.

Now, on with this week’s question(s).

Literally EVERYONE has been asking for, like, FOUR GODDAMNED YEARS:

Hey, Angry, why don’t you compile a bunch of your articles into a book? I’d love to have a book of your stuff? That would be great. I could carry it around with me, read it while pooping without the risk of dropping my laptop in the toilet, give copies of it to friends, kiss your handsome picture on the cover and pretend I’m making out with you, rub it on my plantar wart to get rid of it, and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth on the one book I really, truly believe is doing the work of the gods in this world. Seriously, I want this book so much that I have printed out all of your articles and put them in a big binder. But it isn’t the same. Please, please, please give me a book. You don’t even have to do any work. Just print your articles and staple them together. I’d pay for that. I’m terrible with money. That’s why I play Dungeons & Dragons. So, please, give me a book. As hilarious internet meme says, SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

Okay.

I mean, okay. But also no. Yes, I will write a book. And thank God you sent that e-mail. It was the one that put me over the edge. I’ve been getting those e-mails and messages and comments for yours. But it was YOURS that finally convinced me. YOU are the reason I’m writing this book. YOU PERSONALLY. And everyone else who wants the book should thank you.

In point of fact, you convinced me so hard, that I retroactively decided to publish this book roughly four months ago. All that s$&% about getting my workflow in order, organizing myself as a real, honest-to-Satan corporation, reorganizing my website, and proving that I can actually be consistent the way I used to? All that was part of my master plan to prove to my fans that, if I say I’m going to give them a book, I’m going to give them a book.

So, I’m publishing a book! Vague promise powers: ACTIVATE!

Wait, no. No vague promises. I’m publishing a book THIS YEAR.

No, too vague. Okay, I’m publishing a book THIS SUMMER.

No, still too vague. Okay, in mid-June: a wild Kickstarter will appear. And your support will be SUPER EFFECTIVE. So, mark it on your calendar. Put a big circle around the middle of June and write “Angry, I choose you!”

This isn’t some vague, someday thing. This is a real plan. It has a publisher, a budget, an editor, one of those people who decides where text and pictures and things should go on pages, and even estimates from several different printers. One is even in China, so you KNOW I’m not f$&%ing around. And some of the book is even already written! I mean, it’s outliney, drafty s$&%, but it actually exists.

And by the time it goes onto Kickstarter, it’ll mostly or completely exist, barring the bits that will be dangled in front of my hapless she… my zealous, cult-like supp… my customers as stretch goals and s$&%. And that’s because I don’t want to have a Kickstarter and then spend the next two years explaining why the book didn’t show up. I want to have a Kickstarter, and then, in like two months, put out an update that says, “if you’re looking for your book, check your mailbox, I put it there myself… last night… I’m hiding in your bushes right now. Come out and play.”

So, that’s the plan. On a date in mid-June to be determined in the near future, you will be able to back the first print run of The Angry GM: The Website: The Book – I’m sure my publisher can do better on that title – on Kickstarter.

Except, it isn’t going to be The Angry GM: The Website: The Book. It’ll be more awesome than that. Because I’m not f$&%ing Order of the Stick. I ain’t a f$&%ing webcomic. So, I’m not just going to staple together printouts of my work. The book will be all original content. Well, except for the fact, that it will cover a lot of what I’ve already covered on the website. Except, it’ll be cleaned up, reordered, and compressed. And it’ll have a lot of new insights because a lot has changed since I started writing this s$&% and there’s stuff I wish I could have gone back in time and included in my earliest articles.

The book will focus on teaching new and inexperienced GMs how to run their first game and then, after their first game sucks, how to run games that get better and better. It’ll be divided into three color-coded sections, so you can easily find the s$&% you need. If you’re someone’s kid brother or niece and someone gave you the book, the first section will teach you how to kidnap three of your friends, pick a game, and learn enough to run it. That’s right, it’ll be doing what WotC and Paizo can’t figure out how to do: teach someone who knows nothing about their game how to the game. The second section will tell you how to actually run your first game. It’ll cover the basicest of basic GMing skills. The third section will talk about more advanced GMing concepts like pacing and social interaction and all that crap that you need after you’ve run a few games and it’s time to up your game. Basically, it won’t just be a master course in GMing, it’ll be three courses: 101, 201, and 301. Taught by a really sweary professor. Like, maybe if Yosemite Sam got a job teaching adult education courses at the local college.

And that’s why you’ll want to buy two copies. One to keep and one to give to that kid brother or niece or whoever that keeps pestering you to teach them how to game, but you don’t have the time, and you’re concerned about their friends’ parents assuming you’re a pedophile when you invite a group of three or four of the little brats to your basement for snacks and fun, secret games.

Do you want to know more? Well, you will. There’s still some details being ironed out. But, don’t worry, I will keep you in the loop. I’ll let you know every exciting development. You won’t forget for one moment that I want to sell you a book in June. You’ll wish you’d never heard of me or my book by then. And then, maybe, you’ll wish you hadn’t pestered me to write the damned thing.

On the other hand, if this book thing goes well and enough of you harass me, you’ll probably be able to bully me into writing that RPG I haven’t been writing for a year.


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40 thoughts on “Ask Angry: Please, Write a Book Already! (OK, I Will)

  1. …. OMG you weren’t joking. I thought you were (at least halfways) joking. You really did mean June. Note to self: have money ready for kickstarter in June.

    Much appreciation coming your way in the meantime.

  2. Kickstarter still only really makes sense when funding distribution of a product that exists, enough people have been burned by projects raising money during the creation phase. Getting money to pay people to make art is an entirely different beast from getting money to pay printers/manufacturers and shipping. Good on you for taking the principled approach.

  3. Is the “I’m sure my publisher can do better on that title” part of the title? I’m starting to suspect it might be.

    Also, I actually have the opposite problem as the hypothetical person-who-drops-laptops-into-toilets.
    I’m not such a fan of physical books. But since ‘Angry Game Mastery’ will include original content, I do hope it will be available in PDF format.

    …I mean, I’m buying it regardless, but I’m more likely to actually finish reading it if I don’t have to carry it around with me. 🙂

  4. “On the other hand, if this book thing goes well and enough of you harass me, you’ll probably be able to bully me into writing that RPG I haven’t been writing for a year.”

    Yes please.

  5. Will the book eventually be available through regular distribution channels? I’m a public librarian and I’d love to be able to acquire it for our collection. I’d also be happy to recommend it to colleagues.

  6. Can you put together an email list? So we can sign up and get a email when the Kickstarter actually launches?

    I will promote the s#$& out of this upcoming Kickstarter campaign, and get you as many people as possible on the email list.

    Will you be offering a digital version of the book?

    Will there be a leather-bound special edition, just for the Kickstarter campaign?

    Will there be ridiculous stretch goals, like a Skype session with Angry, or a one-shot run by Angry, or a lap dance from Angry?

    • I think you can already get some of those things by being a patron. Stretch goals on KS are usually for all the backers, or all the backers above a certain level, and I don’t think Angry has enough time for all those lap dances.

  7. Looking forward to it, so I can give it to my daughter once she manages to read english (by that time the swearing should not be a problem anymore).

  8. Thank god already! One step closer to the fading fairytale of one day using theAngRyPG for my House game.

    I’m also looking forward to the book of GMing itself, and I know it will be as amazing, helpful, and informative as the website (especially in regards to organization). I do have one request that you might have already addressed in your planning. PLEASE INCLUDE SHORT QUICK REFRENCES AT THE END OF EACH SECTION, LESSON, CHAPTER, WHATEVER. I love your in depth writing and I have read several of your articles multiple times. However, right before running or planning game sessions I like to look over quick notes I have compiled from the site. Reading 5000+ words just to review an aspect of narration is a no go. Just saying.

  9. Congrats Angry on hitting your goals, I’ve been quietly following your site and I’m a Patron. I will now become one of your Pledgers for the KS. BTW An AngRyPG sounds AWESOME! And Uh, well ANGRY!

  10. Oh dear god yes! I can finally stop printing out your articles, highlighting them, and then stapling it all together. Maybe now I’ll actually have time to put this stuff to use and start running less worse games!

    What a great cause for my first Kickstarter contribution.

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