As I’ve explained in past articles, maps are a super important part of game. Maybe the most important part of game. Well, okay, I’ve said the exact opposite. But then, I contradict myself all the time. I’ve been contradicting myself for ten years and almost nobody ever calls me on it. And the few people who do call me on it think that somehow makes me wrong. There is actually a very important reason why I contradict myself. It’s a vital lesson GMs have to learn. It’s one of the seventeen secret metalessons hidden in my s$&%. Can you figure out the lesson? Can you find the other sixteen? Good f$&%ing luck!

But maps…

You need ’em. You love ’em. I love ’em. And, while I’m pretty okay at making maps, I’m always looking to improve. Which is why I love folks like Jared Blando – TheRedEpic on Twitter – who publish awesome books like Fantasy Art & RPG Maps and Fantasy Mapmaker to help me map. And I love the folks at ProFantasy for the amazing Campaign Cartographer mapping suite which I have been using for longer than some of you have been alive. Seriously, I started using it back in 1994 after I read a review in Dragon Magazine. By mail order. Some of you don’t even know what “mail order” and “magazines” even are. Yes, I know there are easier-to-use mapping suites out there and I know there’s a steep learning curve to CC, but once you master it, you can turn out gorgeous maps like no other and bury all sorts of secret information on different layers. Or so I’ve heard. I’ll let you know once I actually have it mastered. In 2037.

People ask me all the time for advice on map making. And I give two pieces of advice. First, I say “draw maps. The only way to get good at drawing maps is to draw maps. Just keep drawing them until they stop sucking.” Second, I say, “look, I can fake it okay, but I don’t know enough to teach anyone. So, go get yourself a copy of a book by Jared Blando or grab a software suite like Campaign Cartographer and their excellent tutorial guide, The Tome of Ultimate Mapping, and work through all the exercises.”

But right now, I can actually help. See, I ended up with an extra copy of Jared Blando’s excellent Fantasy Mapmaker. That’s his second book where he teaches you how to make really awesome, hand-drawn fantasy city maps. It was a fluke. So I decided I wanted to give it away. And when I contacted Mr. Blando about it, he graciously agreed to autograph it. Not my copy, mind you. Oh no. No autograph for Angry who has actually spent money on his books. Just the extra copy I want to give away for free. That gets a signature. THANKS JARED.

Sorry. I kid. In reality, I’m really, really grateful to Jared for signing this copy so I can give it away to one lucky person. Meanwhile, I also accidentally have a license code for a Campaign Cartographer bundle and their excellent Tome of Ultimate Mapping advanced tutorial guide. I ended up with those by accident too when I accidentally purposely purchased them specifically give away to one lucky reader when I decided I wanted to have this contest. Oops. Silly me.

Anyway, that brings me to this contest…

Angry: Save My Map!

So, I have this wonderful map-making bundle. It includes a Campaign Cartgropher 3+ Bundle (including the Dungeon Designer and City Designer add-ons) and the Tome of Ultimate Mapping advanced tutorial package. And it also includes a physical copy of Jared Blando’s Fantasy Mapmaker signed by the amazing artist himself. And I want to give that package away – that’s 170 bucks American worth of stuff – to one lucky reader. And not just any reader. I want to give it away to the reader who needs it the most.

Starting May 1st, I am calling on my readers to show me how badly their mapping skills need help by sending me an example of their best work. For one weeks, from May 1st at 12:00 AM EDT to May 14 at 11:59 PM EDT, I will be accepting map submissions from my readers. I will be scouring them for the cartographer wannabe in the most need of help. Later in May, I will find the 10 maps that need the most help and post them on my website for the world to see. And then readers will vote on which of the ten finalists show the most promise and need the most help.

Do you think you have what it takes to be a great fantasy mapper? But do you have a long, LONG way to go? Well, show me your stuff.

Specifics: How to Enter

First, you want to make a map. What should you map? How should you map it? That’s up to you. Use whatever medium you’re most comfortable with. Draw a dungeon map in crayon on construction paper. Map a continent in MS Paint. Sketch out a city map in sidewalk chalk drawing. Do whatever you feel shows off your skills best.

Next, turn that map into an electronic image. How? Well, you’ve got to figure that out. Maybe someday I’ll have an “Angry: Save My Ability To Use Technology That’s Like Two Decades Old At This Point To Turn A Piece Of Paper Into An Electronic File” sweepstakes. But not today. Scan it. Photograph it. Or just click save in MS Paint.

I can accept image files in GIF, JPEG, or PNG formats, but I’m going to turn the finalists into JPGs, so you could save me a step and send me that, or you can make more work for me. Up to you really. It won’t affect your chances of winning, but it will affect the chances that your prize will include a handwritten note cussing you out instead of congratulating you. The file size needs to be held down to 6 MB or less. And I won’t consider images whose largest dimension is bigger than 2400 pixels. If you’re scanning a piece of paper, I suggest a nice 2200 px by 1700 px image. Electronic files work best at 2400 px by 1350 for 16:9 aspect ratio or 2400 px by 1800 px for a 4:30 iPhone photo. I’m not trying to be too picky here, but I have to post all of this s$&% on a webpage and other people have to be able to look at them to judge them, so help me out here, okay?

Attach your map to an e-mail and include your full, legal name, address, and telephone number, and the name you’d like to use for your submission. No one will see any of that information but me. And the information will all be deleted once the contest is over. No selling it to marketers, no building phone lists, I’m just using it to make sure I have the shipping information I need to get you a prize and to cover my legal ass. The only thing anyone will see is the name you explicitly tell me to attach to your entry for public purposes. Entries without that information cannot be considered. Sorry.

Each person can enter only once. If you try to send multiple entries, all entries will be disqualified.

Starting on May 1, 2020 at 12:00 AM EDT, you can send your entry to savemymap@angry.games. Entries must be received no later than May 14, 2020 at 11:59 PM EDT. Don’t try to e-mail that address before the start of the contest. It’ll just bounce back. And don’t send anything that isn’t a contest entry to that address. It won’t be read.

You will receive a single automated reply within 24 hours of sending your submission acknowledging it’s receipt. And that is all. Due to a lack of other human beings to help me manage this s$&%, I can’t respond to requests for confirmation or track people down if their information is incomplete. Anything that isn’t a contest entry will be ignored. Any entry that doesn’t include all the information necessary will be disqualified. Sorry. I’m just one dude.

Rules and Legal S$&%

Want to enter? Here’s a bunch of more specific rules and guidelines and some legal s$&%. You’re responsible for knowing all of this if you enter.

While you can map whatever you want, if your map is offensive or includes NSFW content, my intern is going to delete it before I even see it. So you won’t have any chance of winning and you can’t really troll me. You’re just going to make some poor, unpaid workstudy schlub suffer unnecessarily.

Your name also can’t be offensive or NSFW. I hope that’s obvious.

By the way, if anyone is looking for an unpaid job looking at e-mails for two week and deleting all the crap they wouldn’t want their mother see, let me know. I can give you good exposure. Or course credit. Unless your university is “accredited” or requires “actual qualifications” or something.

I’m kidding. Don’t e-mail me looking for a job. And don’t lecture me about that exposure thing either. It was a f$%&ing joke.

Obviously, I’m looking for the worst examples of fantasy mapping I can find. I want the saddest, sorriest cartographic failure out there so I can magnanimously save them by flinging some money at the problem and then running away. Because that’s how social programs work. Or, if you prefer a joke from the opposite side of the political spectrum, that’s how capitalist businessmen use charity to feel virtuous. So I know you’re probably going to be tempted to send me the crappiest example of mapping you possibly can. And that IS the best way to get my help. But, I also need to see some actual promise. Like, I need to see that it actually looks like you were trying to make a map and that someday, with a lot of work, you might actually be able to succeed.

Seriously. This is my contest. It’s open to absolutely anyone anywhere unless your local city, state, province, country, or jurisdiction says this s$&% is illegal. There is no purchase necessary to enter. Patrons and supporters do not get special treatment. And that all means that legally, I’m just giving someone a gift based on some really weird criteria. The actual choice of finalists will be based on whatever arbitrary, subjective criteria that I come up with. Along with The Tiny GM and Biscuit the Cat. They’re helping me pick the finalists. And we’ll be doing that however we want.

That said, if you want a hint about what we’re looking for, remember I’m trying to entertain people without getting banned off the internet for violating basic decency standards. So, you know, probably something that shows you can’t draw map but you try your damnedest and it’s really funny when you do.

That said, all maps submitted become property of Angry Games, Inc. for copyright purposes. I am never going to publish them or make money off of them or anything. But I’m posting them on my website under my copyright and I don’t feel like dealing with the extra legal bulls$&% around copyright law. I’m not trying to steal someone’s crappy crayon dungeon for a future Angry product here. If I were looking for material to steal, I’d probably have very different criteria for the contest. I’m just trying to make this easy on myself. Just make something original for the contest. Okay?

And obviously, do not send me anything that infringes on someone else’s copyrighted work. You need to have the right to claim the work as your own. Any infringing entry will be disqualified and if someone comes along with a C&D because I posted their work as yours on my site, I’m going to just cease and desist that s$&% right off my site. $200 bucks worth of books and computer software and shipping is my budget here. Don’t add $10,000 in legal fees to my expenses for the quarter, cool?

Finally, remember, this is for fun and entertainment first and profit second. I know, a software suite and a signed book is a pretty sweet pile of prizes and that can bring out the worst in some people. But I reserves the right to disqualify anyone who makes this contest miserable for me or anyone else. I really wish I didn’t have to say that, but a few years ago, I ran a stupid riddle contest where the prize was an $8 pack of trading cards I had lying around, and I had death and rape wished on me and my family for weeks after that. I didn’t run another giveaway for years. Please don’t make this the last giveaway I ever run.

Anyway, happy mapping and do your worst. I mean best. Best worst. Whatever.