I don’t want to get bogged down in a big-ass update here. So I’ll start with the quick news and then see what happens.
No Feature This Week
There won’t be a front-page post this week. Unfortunately, due to an illness and a series of technical issues, I fell a little bit behind. The next article will be posted next week.
Early Access Features
Similarly, Early Access features are a little behind. A new Early Access Feature will be available for supporters with an audio recording Thursday or Friday this week, then another over the weekend, and then one on Tuesday next week.
Normal service will then resume after the July 4 holiday with a Early Access Features on 7/8, 7/15, 7/22, and 7/29.
Live Chats
I hosted a small Mostly Monthly Live Chat last week, but due to a technical issue, the audio wasn’t captured. I don’t have a recording and there is nothing I can do about that.
I will be hosting a Slapdash Update and Chat next Monday, June 29 at 8:00 PM ET for Frienemy-tier supporters. We will probably talk about task resolution. More importantly, I will start building the pool of playtesters for the Slapdash Battle Arena, which will begin in August.
Other Stuff
Other stuff, like bonus videos, bonus content, and other things will also come back on line and get doled out as we move into July, but, due to some issues over here, the schedules themselves are in flux. The Monday night streams may need to move to a different night. I’m taking video game streaming off the schedule for the time being. Meanwhile, I really am trying to fit in a regular D&D game night I could stream to Discord for my supporters to watch. I will be searching amongst my Angrican-tier supporters for three to four players. That will require finding a night.
Personal
It’s honestly hard to post this update because I had high hopes for June and continue to fall short of what I know I can do. I aimed high and failed. Part of it is because I am ambitious, but I am not overly ambitious. I am not trying to do too much, it’s just that I’ve been running so far behind that I don’t have a buffer when problems arise. This month saw a serious illness and also a major setback in my mental health treatment. Combined with a technical issue, it was too much, and all of my buffer got eaten up and then some. So, I’m back to running behind.
I will continue to aim high. That is who I am. I have dreams and I have a deep sense of responsibility to you who read my work and especially you who support my work. My highest aspiration is to brighten the lives of my fellow gamers. Whether that’s through good game content, an amazing roleplaying game system, a supportive community, inspiring people to live their best lives, helping people find meaning and faith, or just being an example of someone who absolutely refuses to stay down when life hits him, that’s what I’m going to do. So I will end up apologizing for falling short again and again until one day, maybe next week, maybe next month, when things do click into place and everything’s purring away.
That said…
I faced a serious crisis this past week. I wanted to quit. I think about quitting a lot. Sometimes it’s just about shutting down this site. It’s getting harder and harder to get by as a content creator. Especially because I’m so inconsistent and unreliable and because I’ve stopped stewarding my business properly. I can’t start rebuilding because I’m still trying to fix the foundation and I worry that I’ll run out of time. It’s creating a lot of anxiety about the future.
Sometimes, though, I think about quitting everything. You know what I mean. It got really bad. But every time I did, I found a message waiting for me. Someone telling me what my work has meant for them. Someone telling me how seeing me struggle helps them face theirs. Someone, this weekend, e-mailed me a very simple message.
Don’t you do dare go hollow.
It’s dangerous to go alone.
Someone else told me not to give up because they need me.
I write crappy advice about pretending to be an elf. I made a Discord community. It’s absurd how many people have been touched by my work in ways that have nothing to do with gaming.
My pastor told me recently about a woman who was forced to leave her job at the Lutheran high school and how she was inundated with cards and messages from people with stories of how she changed lives. She said she had no idea how much of an impact she’d had. My pastor said, “God often doesn’t let us see the impact we’ve had so we don’t get too prideful.” But sometimes, we get to see it. When we need to.
My point isn’t about my impact, though, it’s yours. Every comment on my site, even the critical ones, every message, every like, every reaction emotion, every discussion in my Discord community, every new dollar of support, those actions that may seem so small to you, they change my life. Especially right now as I struggle to hold on through this darkness that just doesn’t seem to let up.
Fun fact: on the darkest nights, when there is no moon and all the stars are obscured, a single candle can be seen over a mile away.
Thank you all for lighting candles for me. I’m not quitting. And my not quitting? That’s my candle. I’m lighting it for you.
Well, I guess I rambled on.
Keep on, Angry. I’m into TTRPGs for over 30 years now, and your site is, very honestly said, the most profound, reflected, content-heavy and helpful I stumbled across in all these years.
Without you and your blog, I would’ve quit GMing (and maybe even RPGs altogether) years ago. Nowadays me and my friends are trying to fit seven different campaigns in our schedules, and we’ve built a community of almost 20 players who have become close friends. And from my part, I owe it to you. You, sir, you matter so freaking much.
I’m glad you’re still around to make us think, laugh, and improve. But also, I’m glad you’re still around for us to help you think, laugh, and improve. Thank you for all you do and let us do.
Your crappy advice about pretending to be an elf has helped me run a better game. That game was an anchor for some kids in my life through some tough times for them. It mattered.
Thankyou for all that you do. I’m excited for every new article but happy to wait.
Thank you for keeping that candle lit. We appreciate you, we are here for you, we are rooting for you.
Praying for you brother!
Your content is great and very helpful. I think you know that. But you should also know that you don’t have to do this to have value. I trust that you are a light for the people in your life as much as you are for us internet randos. Whatever you choose to do, you will be impacting peoples’ lives. And you have obviously committed yourself to doing it positively. That has value, and so do you. Take care of yourself.
I’ve been reading your articles for the last 4 years and it has helped my DMing immensely. I wanted to let you know also that you have written some of your absolute *best* articles in this past few months and I’m greatly looking forward to what’s ahead for you.
God is with you, brother. At the end of the day, you are his beloved child whether you finish articles and projects or not. I am praying for you in this struggle, and I know I’m not the only one.
Don’t be sorry for being human.
You are the only writer that captived me for years.
Keep your head up and be proud of what you accomplished, you are the best academician in the Roleplaying game studies !
A big thank you from Belgium.
I’m a longtime reader (all the way back to the two-headed, two-tailed, bifurcated snake!) and have never had the financial security to be able to support you fully. But no doubt, you have had an incredible impact on my games and my entire concept of game design. I’m a better gamer and a better game designer because of you.
Thank you so much for all the incredible work and creativity and art and knowledge you’ve shared. I’m lighting a candle here, even if it’s all I can do.
Keep fighting. We really do care about you.
Thank you for all you’ve done.
I check this site weekly, hoping for updates. No other source of ttrpg gameplay advice is better. Appreciate your efforts and looking forward to the next posts.
My candle’s here for you, though I’m not sure if it’s visible all these miles away. Yours, however, I see clearly from my place – and it gets really freaking dark here every so often. Through those long polar nights, that distant flicker keeps me going and shows that there are other things besides lightless, frozen wastes – simple, enjoyable things like sharing a gaming table and a few laughs. Or working passionately on a design, scenario, or a game system. It really did show me hope and purpose in more lightless nights than I can count. I didn’t quit thanks to that. Thank you, Angry! We all can make it through to the Light, eventually.
Your content is nice. I like reading it, as it’s different from most of the stuff I’ve seen in the ttrpg content space. Remember, you gotta keep going to see what new stuff might come out.
Thank you for sharing Angry. Know we are all cheering you on. No matter how hard it gets, we are still here, hoping to see you get back up.
Angry, I’m a lurker, but feel the need to let you know, the fact that you take your work in brightening other’s lives through game and roleplay very seriously is reflected in every one of your articles and interactions, whether you mean it consciously or not. I am so thankful I have had your words as a resource in my own journey.
That being said, a change in direction doesn’t have to be a failure or quitting. It’s not binary. Maybe this enterprise shifts into something different, but still worthwhile.
Anyway, keep it up. You are appreciated
Angry, I know it’s been said repeatedly here, but you need to internalize all this and the best way to do that (as you well know) is to hear it over and over again.
You are needed.
Seriously, I thought my game was in tip-top shape until you set me straight. While helping me up my GM game doesn’t sound like much, let me give you some perspective on just how important it is.
Just over two years ago, I lost my brother to a stroke. He was only 56. We’d been running an ongoing series of D&D campaigns for years, meeting every Tuesday night. His widow was part of that game. We decided that we were unable to continue the game without him, so we switched to a new game and system. She decided that, while she would continue to come to our games, she would just be there for the company. Once that campaign wrapped up, I talked her into joining our next campaign. That is the one that you provided advice for me to help up my GM game and reigning in some of the game’s more outgoing players. In the last few weeks, she has been far more engaged and happy than I’ve seen her in YEARS.
That’s all you.
So don’t you dare %^$&!@* give up! You are NEEDED in ways you cannot see or even fathom. No matter what goals you set for yourself, whether you hit them or not, your insights and contributions make a difference. Even if it’s just helping people improve their games of pretending to be an elf, for some of us, pretending to be an elf means a lot. It means being able to do something my brother John loved and help his widow re-engage with life. It means getting to touch a piece of his life that he loved. It means he’s still here with me every week as I do game prep.
You. Are. Needed.