This isn’t an easy update to write. This is an update by the way.

I had an article planned for today which I called “Growing as a GM.” It started as a response to a lot of feedback I’d received about my last several posts and a few conversations that I’d seen regarding those posts. I wanted to address the idea of building skills, about growing, about evolving, and how to make a conscious choice to do that. And how there were certain mental traps you could fall into that would hold you back. And I wanted to talk about my personal journey. About how this blog started and how my approach to GMing and how my goals for the blog have changed over the years.

Sadly, after four drafts and two attempted revisions, I am forced to admit that the article is just kind of s$&%. It has very little to say, but it takes a lot of time to say it. And you know that, if I’M saying that, it has to bad. In addition, there’s this mean-spirited undertone that keeps creeping into it in response to some of the feedback I’ve received. Because the mental traps I want to address tend to manifest themselves in specific patterns in comments and conversations. I’m not personally hurt or offended by any of it mind you. I don’t really, generally care if people disagree with me. In fact, disagreeing with me was one of the important points I wanted to make. But still, there was a lot of bitterness that kept coming through.

I think that, in the heart of my outline, there are good ideas that it would help a lot of people to hear. But I have now put way too many hours over way too many days trying to get them to come out right. And I don’t like any of it. And I can’t keep throwing good time after bad.

This week’s article is cancelled for being crap that I don’t want to post. I am going to shift my resources to getting the next Angry Craft article and video finally finished and ready for next week – Monday for Patrons, Wednesday for everyone else – and put this article on the back-burner for now. Sometime in the next three weeks, I will double up on articles, but I am not sure if the “Growing as a GM” article is going to end up back on the schedule this month. I need to figure out a better way to present it and I don’t want it to derail my release schedule.

I’m really sorry. I can’t, in good conscience, post something I feel is crap. And I don’t want to make the people waiting for AngryCraft to wait any longer. They’ve been waiting long enough. I’ll figure something else out to add to June’s schedule if this whole “Growing” thing doesn’t work out and, meanwhile, keep up the rest of the release schedule as planned.

What really kills me is that this was supposed to be the EASIER article to write this month.

EDIT: I am grateful to my fans and readers for being so understanding about this. I have not received any flak for it. But what I have received is a lot of well-intentioned offers to help me in some way and a whole lot of unsolicited advice. And while I do appreciate the kindness behind each and every offer of help or advice, I’ve decided to turn off comments on this post. 

Every writer and creator eventually ends up with something that just didn’t come out the way they wanted. That is perfectly normal. Sometimes, its just that the thing is below the high standards they set for themselves. Sometimes, the thing needs more work, but can be salvaged. And sometimes, the thing has no promise and just needs to be discarded. And then, the creator has to decide what is the most efficient way to handle that. Maybe it’s below the creator’s standards, but is still “okay” and the creator can forgive himself and go ahead and publish it anyway. Maybe the creator can pledge to put in the work he needs. Or maybe it just needs to be thrown out.

But, like every person who ever had any job ever, creators also face deadlines. And they only have so many hours in a day or week or month or whatever. And the above decision has to be weighed against the available time and resources. Maybe a piece of work can be salvaged, but it needs too much work to be done in time. Or maybe it would delay other projects. 

And that is all that’s at the heart of this. Except for the fact that I should have recognized sooner that I was putting too much work into an article that wasn’t working. So, I’ve cancelled the article for the moment and I’m putting the time and effort into the next one. I’ll decide what to do about this one later. 

And, as a personal favor, I would ask those of you who have contacted me to offer mental health help or advice to not do that. While I, again, appreciate your desire to help, what you’re doing is misguided and it can be quite dangerous. You do not have enough information about me or my situation to assess my mental health situation and you do not have the expertise needed to help. If you did have that expertise, you would realize you don’t have enough information to help me. Assuming I even need help. While I have and do suffer from mental health issues, I also have help from mental health professionals and I know how to take care of myself. And if I can offer a bit of my own personal advice: the ONLY proper advice to give anyone over the Internet regarding mental health issues is “you should talk to your doctor or a mental health professional; here’s a hotline or a list of volunteer organizations who can help you find someone to help.” Anything else is dangerous.